Avoiding Insecurity

Romantic advice from an unlikely success story

In the grand tradition of dudes posting their losses, Mark highlighted one guy who decided to fumble at the one-yard-line. In the Superbowl. Down two points. Against Tom Brady’s team. And Brady was already on the sidelines crying.

Just Bennett @NoLongerBennett

L

Fritz Johnson @FritzTheDev

@CristinaVanko Yes. Had a really fantastic date with one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen on Saturday. Went beyond great until it was time to part & I admitted I couldn't understand why she'd give me the time of day let alone anything else. Insecurity is a b****.

Which led to a bout of philosophical speculation about why Mr. Johnson would self-sabotage himself like this, with the universal answer being something along the lines of “he’s fucked up.” So I thought, “I’m the sort of guy who probably should be insecure and unsuccessful romantically, but I’m actually very confident and secure, and my romantic success is legendary, so why not see if I can’t prevent more Fritzes?” How did I conquer my teenage loserism to become the successful slab of man you see before you today?

The answer, it turns out, is in learning to like yourself first, and like other people second.

I take it as a truism that we all know that NO ONE (man, woman, non-binary, space alien from Tau Ceti, whatever) finds insecurity attractive. I firmly believe that in terms of romantic and sexual attraction, there’s something out there for everyone. Rules 34 and 36 definitely apply.

So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we indulge this kind of rampant insecurity that undermines our romantic endeavors?